My skin gets really dry. I am inside a climate controlled, low-humidity environment for most of the day. I use Badger Balm (reviewed here) during the winter months and have tried several hand lotions (see my negative review of Vaseline’s Intensive Care Total Moisture). Despite my best efforts, sometimes my skin just dries out too much and flakes. During the summer and winter months my face gets particularly bad, as I have the AC or heat cranked, respectively. I needed an exfoliant, but didn’t want to smell like a chick.

Every Man Jack sells grooming supplies for men. They sell everything from body wash to shaving products to skin care products. Target carries a lot of their stuff, and I picked up a five ounce squeezable tube of their mint facial scrub about two months ago for $5. I purchased the mint, as the scent was clean without being overwhelming. There is a non-scented version if you are sensitive to perfumes or don’t want the mint scent to clash with whatever else you wear.

Directions are simple: apply a dime-sized amount of scrub to your face every other day. I do this in the shower before I shave. The grit in the scrub painlessly scours the dry skin off. A quick rinse with water and you’re all set.

I have been really pleased with the Every Man Jack facial scrub. It is inexpensive (I have another two month’s worth of product left), is easy to use, and works. I have found that I develop fewer ingrown hairs or razor burn now that I am using the exfoliant. I think removing the dead, flaky skin from my face and throat helps my razor from getting clogged up as easily.

At five bucks you can’t go wrong with the EMJ scrub.

Last year I grew my facial hair out from the day after Thanksgiving to sometime in March-ish. It was nice, especially while riding my motorcycle when it was below freezing. The same thick hair on my arms and fingers that scares small children away protected my babysoft skin from the cold. I did it again this year, and once again having more hair on my face than on the top of my skull did wonders against wintery drafts.

However, now that the weather is heating up, my skin has been getting more and more irritated. This is going to sound gross (and really, beards are borderline nastified even if you take care of them religiously like I do), but low-level sweat gets trapped in my facial hair and then my pores get clogged up. Right now I have three ingrown hairs on and along my jawline.

It’s time for Chewbacca to trim down a little bit.
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So, I ran out of hand lotion last week. This may not seem like a big deal to you. However, when you have poor circulation to the extremities like I do, work on computers all day with your hands outstretched and elbows bent, and putz around behind the counter of a coffee shop in your spare time, your hands can get jacked in a hurry. The webbing between my fingers can get particularly dry, as well as my fingertips. It’s always disconcerting to look down and see a crevasse opened up on my index finger … and then type on it for about fourteen hours a day.
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It’s official: using the Epislim on the tops of my feet and toes really hurts. I managed to rip a few patches of skin off on my right foot — this reminds me of waxing! On a “positive” note, the hair on my fingers has decided to take some time off. It isn’t growing back as fast, and I don’t think I’ve run the Epislim over my fingers but once since I wrote my review.

I’m still pleased with the Epislim’s effectiveness, but I’m not looking forward to letting the Demon Claws go after my feet again.

In my ongoing, hopeless war against my body hair, I often turn to … unconventional contraptions and procedures. At least, unconventional for a guy. Especially a straight one. That isn’t in porn or professional fighting. Rip my nose hairs out by hand if I couldn’t find a trimmer? Ayup. Own a grooming device with multiple attachments? Right here, buddy. Wax my back? Yeah, done it a few times. Nair? Yes, yes I have done Nair. It didn’t work very well and left a chemical burn on me for a few days.

So, when Stomper gave Lady Jaye an Emjoi Epislim awhile ago, I was intrigued. The Epislim is basically a device made by Satan. There’s a whirling set of … devil claws? Fuck if I know what they are really called, that rip your hair out. It is very similar to the Epilady, except the Epislim is smaller. The devil claws only cover about an inch-wide area. Instead of legs and underarms (or the “bikini area,” as I was told), I was after the hairs that grew along the tops of my fingers. I don’t know really why I wanted them gone. Maybe it’s because chimps have hairy fingers, and I am trying to avoid the primate comparison as much as possible. I might be a hairy bastard, but I’m going to be a hairy bastard on my own terms.

I fired up the Epislim, which is powered by two AA batteries. The power switch made me a little nervous. There is a safety nipple that has to be depressed in order to flip up the power switch. That’s right, this bitch has a safety. The second thing that made me pause was the incredible roar that came from such a small device. It was as if a giant demon had been smooshed down into a tiny plastic housing. I shrugged and ran the Epislim over the top of my thumb.

It wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t really that bad, either. Certainly not as bad as getting my back waxed. I did wince a few times, and possibly said “Ow.” I found that different parts of different fingers were more sensitive than others. The worst parts were the fingertips of my index and pinky fingers. My middle fingers were the least sensitive. I guess flipping the bird so often toughed them up.

About two weeks ago I decided to try the Epislim out on my toes. That hurt. No idea what the big deal was, but I tried again a few days later and didn’t even finish my first toe. I was tempted to try “other areas” just for the sake of this review but I don’t want my manhood ripped off by the devil claws. Maybe for another post.

Regrowth on my fingers started in about a day or two. I waited three more days and I went after my hands again with the Epislim. The devil claws whirred to life and snatched off all my hairs. I’ve done this about four or five times. Either my hair is finally giving up or I’m fooling myself, but I think it’s taking more time to grow back. Either way, I’m pleased with the Epislim. It does what it says, seems durable, and was inexpensive ($18 before shipping at Amazon.com or similar vendors).

Emjoi Epislim AP9LC Epilator, I rip out
Five out of five STFU mugs!

I’m a naturally hairy guy. We’ve covered this in some of the other grooming category entries and my 21 Percent saga. When you’re a naturally hair guy, you need an assortment of weapons to keep things manageable. Add in a request to grow a full beard, and now body hair control requirements go through the roof. Enter the Norelco G390.
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I received a free Gillette Fusion (that’s the six blade face-machete) in the mail from Costco yesterday. After nearly dismembering myself this April with a Gillette Fusion razor, I’m not inclined to keep it. However, those of you without crazy facial growth patterns may find some use for it. The freebie comes with the handle and one razor. It’s sealed, never been used, etc.

The first person in the US to email me gets it. If you feel like sending me the postage via PayPal, so much the better.

I’ll even autograph it for ya ;)

Tall, short, male, female, techworkers, salespeople, gamers, gunslingers. Gibberish readers are pretty different, except for one thing: most of you, myself included, are blind as bats. I normally wear glasses — even when I have my contacts in, I tend have sunglasses/eye protection on. Eye wear gets dusty. Eye wear gets dirty. Eye wear that normally get cleaned off on my tshirt. Apparently that’s not a good idea for keeping my lenses scratch free, but I’m not about to pack a little pouch with a cleaning cloth in it. Stilts, I’m looking at you, buddy ;).

I was at Target recently, and found the Swipes glasses cleaner on an impulse buy end cap. By the looks of it, the impulse struck other shoppers: over three quarters of the Swipes had already been sold. For $4, it was worth a shot. Fuck it, I thought, it’s at least worth $4 for a Gibberish review. I picked up a blue one.

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Now that I’m swimming most of the time, writing about my workouts isn’t very interesting. What might be interesting, especially to those currently on fat loss or workout programs of their own, is the change in my clothing sizes. Here’s a running tally:

• Six pairs of jeans or shorts, down two waist sizes (pictured above).
• Two pairs of dress pants, down two waist sizes.
• One motorcycle jacket, down two chest sizes.
• One belt, down from a 36 to a 34. The 34 is on its way out soon.
• My motorcycle helmet is a little bit looser now. Not dangerously so, but enough for me to notice.
• My motorcycle boots are now a little roomier. I never thought I had a fat foot, but apparently I lost some weight there, too.

Here’s to another set of belt holes! Now if I could just get rid of this last stubborn belly fat ….

As mentioned earlier this March, I’ve started wearing really really soft disposable toric contact lenses from Accuvue. They are flimsy — even for disposables. At first, wearing them for the two week max period was tough. The contacts were scratchy the last three days, and I wouldn’t wear them as long as I normally would. I figured that this was due to protein build up. Even though my daily multipurpose cleanser said it removed protein during the overnight soak, I wasn’t convinced. I remember having to drop de-protein-izer (?) pills in with my Aosept or other contact cleaning products. Surely contact cleaning technology hasn’t advanced that much ;)

So I picked up a 3mL bottle of Alcon Opti-free Supra Clens Daily Protein Remover. Holy shit, say that three times quickly. It was about $9 from Target. If it didn’t help out, it was still cheaper than tossing a pair of disposables three or four days ahead of schedule.

The directions were simple: insert one drop (and ONLY ONE DROP!! OMG MY EYES! kidding) into each lens holder after cleaning the contacts as normal. I think there’s a six hour wait before you can put them back in, but that is never really a problem for me. I was still skeptical since it seemed so easy — no additional rubbing, or tablets, voodoo mysticism, whatever.

I was pleasantly surprised to wear my contacts for the full two weeks without discomfort. I throw them away every payday regardless of how they feel, but I sensed that I could wear them even longer than two weeks. I tore a hole in one of my lenses, so I’m actually testing this theory out (it’ll be three weeks this time instead of two).

Overall, I’ve been very pleased with the Alcon daily protein drops. There were lesser-cost alternatives at Target, and I wonder if it’s worth saving a few bucks against a product that already works well. If you wear contact lenses of any kind, I highly recommend these drops.

Alcon Opti-free Supra Clens Daily Protein Remover, I blink out:

Five out of five STFU mugs!