I am up against an interesting problem here at work. They don’t allow access to instant messaging services, Web email, social networking sites, or gaming sites. It makes hard for me to take a mental break every once in awhile, and I have felt very disconnected from my online friends and previous co-workers.

I’ve explored ways to get around the network limitations. I purchased a new phone, the Verizon xv6900 (known elsewhere as the HTC Touch) to handle email. I can also sign onto AIM for instant messaging, but the lack of a hardware keyboard makes IMing kind of a pain in the ass.

There is an “unauthorized” open 802.11 wireless access point here at work. There are a few problems with using this full-time, however. One is that it is, well open. I trust in SSL to encrypt my traffic, but not everywhere I visit is behind the HTTPS protocol. The other drawback is that if I am on the open network I can’t get my work-related email, or be logged into our work-specific instant messaging system. I want to multi-home, and this isn’t possible with my current hardware setup.

There was also the option of using the phone as a wireless modem via Verizon’s high speed EVDO network. After fucking around with the phone and my work laptop off and on for a week, I finally got it working today.

Here are my speed and latency results.
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Gather ’round, and listen to ol’ DrFaulken talk about the biggest piece of crap he’s ever had the displeasure of buying.

A GPS should do the following things:

1. Get you from point A to point B according to your preferences.
2. Quickly receive a GPS signal.
3. Be accurate.
4. Contain current maps and points of interest (POI) relevant to time of manufacture. I don’t expect a GPS unit made in 2003 to ship with current maps, for example.

I really liked my Garmin i5 but there were a few extra features I was looking for that my trusty car-mounted GPS lacked:

• Handheld and portable. I wanted to have a GPS that I could take with me once I left my car (or motorcycle). I get lost easily, and as such don’t venture out on foot once I reach my destination. I hoped a handheld unit would change that a little.
• Touch screen. It’s 2008. I didn’t mind the i5 not having a touch screen, but if I am going to buy a current-gen GPS device I want it to have a few more bells and whistles.

The Navigon 2100 did a great job at being portable, but as far as all of my other criteria? Hand me a compass, please. And I don’t even know how to fucking use one of those.
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It’s a good thing I don’t believe in omens. Otherwise I wouldn’t have shown up for my first day of work yesterday. Besides the natural sizes (full moon, torrential downpour), there were a few portents that almost kept me in bed.

I also missed my alarm. I sat up bolt upright in bed, and had snapped the table lamp on without realizing it. My heart pounded in my chest, and I picked up my watch to see what time it was. I hadn’t missed my alarm at all: it was 12:34, just a half hour after I had closed my eyes.

This is the first time I had to regularly report to a position within “normal” business hours since 1999. It’s unnatural — and highly undesireable — to wake up before 8:30, let alone be in dress code at my desk. I am pretty sure my little “alarm” anxiety is due to this, hopefully it won’t happen again.

I also treated myself to a zombie dream. I only have those when work is stressful. The zombie theme combined with my guns jamming in the dream … not the first time this has happened, but certainly the first time this happened prior to starting a new position.

Lastly … I got a new video card from someone on Ars, and either the card itself or the drivers for said card corrupted my Windows XP install. My XP install CD developed some kind of cancer since I used it last and wouldn’t load critical DLLs during the install. I tried making a new boot disc, but the only computer left in the house with a media burner was my file server … which had its resolution set too high for my spare monitor. Starbuck took pity on me and brought over her XP install disk. I’m trying to rebuild the machine as I write this. At least I had a spare hard drive just for this purpose.

I am going to try really hard to remain positive about my new job. As a few of my friends have already said, “at least it’s not [the last place you worked].” Yeah, we’re also only on day two, but the drive in and the corporate culture is already making me nervous.

Wednesday is a new day.

It’s official — I spend too much time inside. My solar-powered watch died two days ago because I don’t go outside enough when the sun is out.

I had to recharge it with my desk lamp. It was at medium storage capacity when I went to bed last night, I’ve charged it for another two hours today.

As you know, I buy a lot of stuff. Stuff that comes in those damn “blister” packages. You know what I’m talking about: that heat-sealed, “theft-resistant,” hard-as-fuck-to-open packaging that will mangle a good pair of scissors in no time flat. My good man Stilts came to the rescue this holiday, and bought me the Open-X dual bladed EZ clam shell knife.

The Open-X concept is simple, but ingenious. You use your thumb to push a spring-loaded button down, which reveals the point of a small blade. This point pierces the adamantium armor of the blister pack. The front end of the tool looks like a crab claw, with a longer razor blade in the center. Work the bottom of the claw into the point you made with the first blade. Slide the Open-X along the package and WHAMMO, fuck blister packs!

Well, sort of. It works, mostly. But we’ll get into that in a second.
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I bought a Brother 5440 multifunction color printer scanner fax machine when I started working from home over three years ago. It was reasonably affordable, and my previous forays into inkjet printers explained why: the printer exists to get you to buy more ink cartridges. The 5440 didn’t come with fully-filled carts. I wasn’t insulted, I’d gotten over that little screwjob the last time I owned an HP inkjet years and years ago.

What particularly pissed me off about the 5440, and other Brother multi-function printers as I have come to find out, is that the unit periodically cleans itself by using a small amount of ink. Of every color. At regular intervals. I tried to fax an expense report, less than a year into owning the machine.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!

I jumped straight up in the air. What the fuck?

REFILL CYAN

I just wanted to fax something. Why did I need cyan ink? I really needed to fax my expense report in, so I drove to OfficeMax and got a replacement cyan cartridge. I snapped it in, reset the printer, and attempted to fax again.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!

What the fuck?

REFILL BLUE

Oh, for fuck’s sake. For about half the cost of my MFC I bought enough ink to shut the machine up long enough to fax my report in. I ordered a box of carts from eBay and pushed the issue aside.
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So, my file server took a shit again. For those counting, this is my fourth home server drive failure in the last four years. At least I’m getting better at handling it. My RAID hardware controller is much better than the last one I owned, and I’m not panicking about rebuilds. I just backed up about a TB of data this weekend, so I feel pretty good about my data. I ordered a replacement drive and am going to ship the dead drive off to Samsung for a replacement. This has been the third Samsung to die on me, so I’m not even sure if it’s worth replacing.
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I buy a lot of stuff, and sometimes my highest hopes turn out to be the biggest disappointments. I’ve evaluated the things I’ve purchased last year, with an eye to what I use on a regular basis that Gibberish readers may use often as well. Sure, I “use” my Keltec PF-9 every day when I carry it, but most of you don’t have carry permits and its appeal is not as universal as this year’s winner. Here’s a look back at the best and worst gadgets covered on Gibberish in 2007.
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Earlier in the year I posted How fast can you type? I hit 98 words a minute, which seemed pretty realistic. The test took two minutes and used a combination of letters, numbers, and case (take the test here, Java required).

Someone on Ars Technica inquired about typing on the Asus Eee’s keyboard. The diminutive sub-notebook has a very small keyboard. I can’t find any direct information about it, but I read that it was about 85% the size of a regular keyboard.

Would a 15% smaller sized keyboard result in a 15% drop in time? I revisited the TyperA testing site to see.

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I am going to write a more lengthy review of the Asus Eee super-small laptop after I’ve logged some more time with it. In the meantime, I wanted to post instructions on how to fix what I considered the most annoying design flaw of the unit: the position of the right shift key on the keyboard.

In its stock configuration, the Eee’s arrow keys are laid out such that the “up” arrow key is where the right shift key normally resides. As a touch-typist, I found myself hitting the up arrow key when I needed to type a capital “d,” and the next thing I knew I was up one line and two letters off. Something had to change, or I was going to have a serious problem with the Eee.
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