In my ongoing, hopeless war against my body hair, I often turn to … unconventional contraptions and procedures. At least, unconventional for a guy. Especially a straight one. That isn’t in porn or professional fighting. Rip my nose hairs out by hand if I couldn’t find a trimmer? Ayup. Own a grooming device with multiple attachments? Right here, buddy. Wax my back? Yeah, done it a few times. Nair? Yes, yes I have done Nair. It didn’t work very well and left a chemical burn on me for a few days.
So, when Stomper gave Lady Jaye an Emjoi Epislim awhile ago, I was intrigued. The Epislim is basically a device made by Satan. There’s a whirling set of … devil claws? Fuck if I know what they are really called, that rip your hair out. It is very similar to the Epilady, except the Epislim is smaller. The devil claws only cover about an inch-wide area. Instead of legs and underarms (or the “bikini area,” as I was told), I was after the hairs that grew along the tops of my fingers. I don’t know really why I wanted them gone. Maybe it’s because chimps have hairy fingers, and I am trying to avoid the primate comparison as much as possible. I might be a hairy bastard, but I’m going to be a hairy bastard on my own terms.
I fired up the Epislim, which is powered by two AA batteries. The power switch made me a little nervous. There is a safety nipple that has to be depressed in order to flip up the power switch. That’s right, this bitch has a safety. The second thing that made me pause was the incredible roar that came from such a small device. It was as if a giant demon had been smooshed down into a tiny plastic housing. I shrugged and ran the Epislim over the top of my thumb.
It wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t really that bad, either. Certainly not as bad as getting my back waxed. I did wince a few times, and possibly said “Ow.” I found that different parts of different fingers were more sensitive than others. The worst parts were the fingertips of my index and pinky fingers. My middle fingers were the least sensitive. I guess flipping the bird so often toughed them up.
About two weeks ago I decided to try the Epislim out on my toes. That hurt. No idea what the big deal was, but I tried again a few days later and didn’t even finish my first toe. I was tempted to try “other areas” just for the sake of this review but I don’t want my manhood ripped off by the devil claws. Maybe for another post.
Regrowth on my fingers started in about a day or two. I waited three more days and I went after my hands again with the Epislim. The devil claws whirred to life and snatched off all my hairs. I’ve done this about four or five times. Either my hair is finally giving up or I’m fooling myself, but I think it’s taking more time to grow back. Either way, I’m pleased with the Epislim. It does what it says, seems durable, and was inexpensive ($18 before shipping at Amazon.com or similar vendors).
Emjoi Epislim AP9LC Epilator, I rip out
Five out of five STFU mugs!
I read your post and laughed a lot, not at your suffering but at how you described the thing(I agree the tops of the feet and toes are in the sensitive parts catagory). I’m amazed that you whole heartedly approve of the satanic hair removal torture device!!
Reading your review makes it sound like a strange gift (imho), but in my defense I didn’t give it to Lady Jaye completely out of the blue. We had talked about them, that I had to replace mine, and that she was interested in trying one some day. So it wasn’t a snarky thing or a hint, (just a friendly gesture to a potential convert). Since they’re hard to find in stores, I just got one for LJ when I ordered my new one.
I’m glad you like it…hmmmm “like” might be too strong a word; maybe “meets with your approval” is better. I think you’re right the more you do it the less hair grows back and it’s finer. Most spots seem to become desensitized to the “sensation” over time, especially if you rerun the area about once a week – keeping the regrowth minimal.
If you’re going do larger areas (legs, back…whatever) you probably want to get a larger model. They have more (about 30)whirling devil claws (tweezers, as the maker like to call them). I’ve tried a couple and tossed them cuz they were capable of tearing out chunks of skin along with the hair. But I’ve found one model that I like a lot. It’s the Phillips Norelco HP6492 Satinelle Ice Epilator. It has a piece that can be cooled in the freezer that they chills the skin so you don’t feel the hair being ripped out by it’s roots. I don’t chill it, but I’ve found that having the piece in place causes me to keep the thing at the right angle so that it only takes hair. Nice feature! The down side is that it’s tethered to an electric cord. There is a new one out by Epilady that I’m intersted in trying it has 2 sets of devil’s claws (60 in all) that whirl in opposite directions. It’s the Emjoi AP-98R OptiMax Epilator. I think having the two sets of whirling claws will help keep it at the right angle and it’ll pull twice the amount of hair at a time. A big plus is that it’s cordless/recharable.
Hey Doc thanks for the laugh!!
You are a strange, strange man. Have you posted your experience on the fora yet?
I do not think I would personally approve a method of manual torture. :)
Have you grown hair on your back? This is some funny stuff.
Do I have a hairy back? Heh. Guess you haven’t read the chin-up bar review yet :)
I prefer to think of myself as “well-padded” and not so much “hairy.”