By August 27, 2008


That’s about the last thing you want to hear on an airplane, right after “ALLAHU AKBAR” and the sound of a dead man’s switch being activated.

My co-worker Jumbotron and I were in Charlotte, our connecting point to our flight to San Francisco. Tropical storm Fay was dumping a shit-ton of rain in the area, so we were already late. As I walked to my seat, I heard a fellow in a purple shirt ask the flight attendant for Crown Royal. “We don’t have that, sir,” she replied.

“How about Hennesy?”

I looked at my watch: 9:30AM. A little early for the drinky-drinky, yeah?

I put my earphones in and start reading my book, tuning out the rest of the passengers as they wrestled with their carry on luggage. The plane taxis away from the gate, and the captain announces we are fifth in line to take off. The flight is already about 45 minutes late due to the weather.

I’m not entirely sure when it happened, and I’m not sure why it happened, but Purple Shirt hurdles over the lady sitting next to him and sprints up the aisle towards the cabin door. We’re about ten rows back from him.

“THAT’S MY BROTHER!!” a shrill woman’s voice sounds from behind me, “HE’S OFF HIS MEDS!!!”

Oh shit.

The attendants get the guy away from the door, and the sister starts crying, saying that he gets anxious on planes and that she might be able to calm him down if they sit together. The flight crew says “no dice,” and we pull out of position and taxi back to the gate. The man and his sister are taken off of the plane, and the captain comes on. He apologizes for the delay, but they would rather be safe than sorry and not deal with an issue in the air. He came back on a few minutes later.

“Ladies and gentlemen, as a security precaution we have to make sure they didn’t leave any luggage on board the plane. We are unable to determine this by computer, so we are going to have to go through the luggage by hand. Please be patient, and we apologize for the delay.”

Another fifty minutes later, we were airborne.

Jumbotron and I had a whole other set of problems when we landed, but that’s just boring traveler stuff. I’ve had someone have a heart attack on a flight before, now I need someone to get drunk and punch an attendant to get a trifecta.

Posted in: gibberish

4 Comments on "HE’S OFF HIS MEDS!!"

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  1. IRS says:

    Dude. What is it about airplanes that suddenly makes people bat-shit fucking crazy these days? Was all this stuff going down in the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and 80’s and the news just covered it up or something? It’s like a friggin epidemic.

    Glad it worked out well, but I was somewhat disappointed to learn that you didn’t hop up and choke him out for the crew.

  2. Starbuck says:

    HOLY SHIT!!!
    That is crazy

    I giggled when you said all you need is someone to get drunk and punch a flight attendant 🙂 I have no idea why i laughed.

  3. drfaulken says:

    Yeah, it was pretty spooky.

    I didn’t want to sound like an Internet Tough Guy, but Jumbotron and I had a plan in case things got rowdy.

  4. Siobhan says:

    YIKES. I read about this incident online via BreakingNewsOn on Twitter but had no idea you were actually on the flight until I read this. AIEE!!!!!