By May 30, 2008

It would be funny, if it didn’t try to kill me

I’ve been riding my motorcycles a lot lately — sometimes for fun, but mostly for the sixty miles round trip I do daily for work.

Every once in awhile, like today, I have a great ride in. I typically have more fun when I ride Cylon and whip around in lighter traffic. Most days, however, it’s just like commuting in a car, with some added twists. The stop-and-go is bad enough in the Mazda, but having to balance a 900 pound motorcycle at idle speeds is rough going. There’s the usual “oh I didn’t see you, Mr. Motorcyclist” phenomenon. And then there are these little gems:

1) I almost got run over by a chicken truck today. There are semi trailers jam packed with white chickens every now and then Route 288 and Highway 64. They’re not that big of a deal, aside from stinking, but today one ambled a little out of its lane. I got a really good look at one of the chickens trapped inside the open-air cagetrailer. I think it blinked at me, but I was too busy shitting my pants and thumbing my horn to be sure.

2) That stupid lady who cut me off in the fast lane and then started to brush her hair while looking into the passenger sun visor mirror. If I had a potato launcher on Raptor I would have spudded her into next week.

3) Another stupid lady who got in went directly from the on ramp to the fast lane without looking and eating yogurt with both hands. What the fuck? Was she using the Force to steer? I guess not, since I flipped her off and she didn’t Force choke me to death.

4) Flying Rat.

5) A ten-wheeled truck that spat rocks all over the road, including one that hit me in the head.

6) Lawn service truck and flatbed trailer that spewed yard clippings along an exit ramp. Gravel and yard trash around a corner are big no-nos for motorcycle stability. This was one of the few times I was glad that traffic was congested; otherwise I may have been going fast enough to tempt a wipe-out.

7) The usual suspects: tail-gating Nissan Altima; runaway SUV with soccer mom yelling at her daughter in the passenger seat; redneck truck with mud splattered on the side and rebel flag license plate. None of these are noteworthy by themselves, but together they are a goofy rogue’s gallery of the Anti-Motorcycle League.

I am going to start filming my commutes soon, that way we can all point and laugh at the yogurt eaters everywhere, albeit it with our middle fingers.

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Posted in: motorcycling

3 Comments on "It would be funny, if it didn’t try to kill me"

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  1. Starbuck says:

    When did the chicken blink at you? Are you sure it didn’t wink ;)

  2. Ha, this cracks me up. I’m looking to buy a motorcycle once again in lieu of my Taurus, but it’s been a few years… Atleast I know what I have to look forward to.

  3. fishsprout says:

    You’ve got some real nutters on your side of the coast. :)

    I haven’t encountered near as many nutters as you… I just had the one impatient prick that was behind me in the fast lane and decided I should share my lane so he came up beside me to get a whole car ahead.

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