By May 7, 2013

Let Me Be Strong Enough to Carry the Burden

A far flung Internet acquaintance of mine committed suicide last month. He was a member of one of the training groups to which I belong, and while I never met him personally he was well known and liked by the community.

To paraphrase something I read : when someone dies, the burdens they carried do not disappear. The burdens move onto the shoulders of those around them.


The rest of us move through life. The world does not stop, although a part of me is frozen in time. I recall with absolute clarity the phone call I got from my mother, the terror in her voice. I remember calling my father, and the distant regret in his voice. Time lurched forward, and my life changed in many, many ways. But that day carved a hole in my heart that may never be filled.

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Visited Dad last year. It was the first time I saw him since your funeral. He’s doing well.

Today marks the fourteenth year of my sister’s passing. At this point I rarely remember the times we shared, but instead consider all of the things that she missed. I think part of it is the erosion of memories over time. I think a bigger part of it is the emotional seesaw of being so happy with my life and then so sad she is not here to participate.

I love you, Sue. For as long as I live. I am grateful for our time together, and the wisdom you passed on to me. I hope that I am strong enough to carry my burdens, and still have room to help the people I love when their shoulders get tired.

Like Sedative?… You would have loved her.

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And her boys… You’d love them, too.

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I am sorry I didn’t do that for you.

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2 Comments on "Let Me Be Strong Enough to Carry the Burden"

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  1. Sedagive? says:

    Sometimes if you are very very lucky you find someone strong enough to walk beside you, and to help you carry the weight when you need them.
    I wish I could have known her.
    Thank you for walking beside me. I love you.

  2. Tank says:

    I did not know you have lost a sibling. I am sorry for your loss.
    I know exactly what that hole feels like.
    This October will be 17 years since my brother left this plane of existence.
    I won’t get into the details here, but if you ever need to talk about things with someone who has also been through it, you know where to find me.

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