By May 10, 2007

PSA: Costco-branded Kirkland child chewable vitamins taste nasty

I used to (somewhat regularly) take a multivitamin, especially when I was losing fat thanks to my personal trainer. The problem with swallowing vitamins is that I normally had a stomach ache afterwards. If I ate beforehand, I just felt a little queasy. If I didn’t eat breakfast, I would be nauseous all day to the point of vomitola khomeni. I laid off vitamins for almost a year until Lady Jaye and I were strolling around Costco. We saw a ginormous bottle of Flintstone chewable vitamins. A 25w bulb lit dimly above my head. If I chewed the vitamin, would it still make my stomach upset? I was willing to try — but I didn’t want to buy a $20 bottle of Flintstone vitamins to find out. Being the cheap fucker that I am, I looked for the Costco “Kirkland” house brand equivalent. Sure enough, Kirkland carried a knockoff at about half the cost of the Flinstones.

The vitamins look like little dinosaurs, which is cute. I enjoyed biting their heads off. The good news: chewable vitamins don’t upset my stomach. The other good news is that the vitamins are not made out of dogshit. The bad news is that they taste like they are made out of dogshit.

Lady Jaye and I tried each of the three colors: red, orange and purple. The orange vitamins, like most orange candies, are the best tasting. The red ones are passable, tasting slightly like cough syrup. The purple ones are the fucking nastiest gnar gnar ever and leave an aftertaste I can only liken to inhaling a grainy cloud of bleach. It’s gritty and makes you gag at the same time. The purple vitamins are so nasty even our dogs are reluctant to eat them. Let me put this in perspective for you: our dogs lick their own assholes.

If your stomach has a hard time with multivitamins, give chewables a try. Just maybe not these. I am tempted to rate these five STFU mugs just so you poor bastards will be fooled into suffering along with us, but I can’t do it.

Gag-tastic Kirkland chewable vitamins from Costco, I chomp out
Two and a half out of five STFU mugs!

full STFU mugfull STFU mugHalf empty or half full STFU mug? empty STFU mug empty STFU mug

9 Comments on "PSA: Costco-branded Kirkland child chewable vitamins taste nasty"

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  1. roclar says:

    I started taking regular Centrum a few months ago. I used to have trouble feeling nauseous when I took vitamins years ago, but I don’t have trouble with the Centrum probably because I make sure I eat some form of breakfast or even a South Beach cereal bar. There is also a Centrum chewable for adults.

  2. IRS says:

    Hmmm, I experience the same thing. It never occurred to me to eat my kids vitamins. I shall commence with the experimentation immediately! (Especially since we aren’t cheap asses and buy the REAL damned vitamins). 🙂

  3. Ramba says:

    You have made my day with this entry! Love the photo of the dinosaurs..I know you’re serious, but I needed a good laugh! Thanks!

  4. Mighty_Squid says:

    Centrum has adult chewable vitamins. That’s what I take. I don’t like taking pills.

    However they don’t taste that good.

    I’ll give these a try.

  5. Ninja Mary says:

    I suppose going ‘old school’ and eating fruits and vegetables are out of the question?

    Also, Teach eats Total–which claims to be full of vitamins.

  6. drfaulken says:

    Do you have an indication on how many different f&v I would have to eat (and the quantity) every day to get the same amount from even a child vitamin? If it’s reasonable, I’ll try it.

  7. Stomper says:

    The idea of chewing vit’s (flintstones or other wise) make me want to gag. I think by their nature vit’s are going to taste bad and upset your tummy, especially if they have iron in them. A good part of the bad taste/smell is from the B vit’s in the multi-vit.

    I take an adult multi-vit, but I break it in half. Not because of the swallowing thing, but because of the surface coat and binders in it. The way most vit’s are made they pass through a person with being broken down – so you really don’t get much out of them. By breaking it in half, the inside is exposed and hopefully more of it is taken into me and not just passing through. So chewing a kids vit probably gets more of the vits into your system.

    There are liquid vit’s that claim to be highly absorbed by the digestive system. Supposed they don’t taste bad – but I’ve never been brave enough to try them.

    Last thing on kids vit’s – they have gummy vit’s now, maybe they taste better.

  8. Stomper says:

    Hey I thought of you and your yucky dinosaur vitamins this weekend. I hit the Vitamin store because I needed to pick up some herbs – yuck, but they’ve been beneficial in the past.

    Anyway they had sour gummy vitamins. Coated with abscorbic acid like sour gummy bears. How bad can they taste with all the pucker powder on the outside? I didn’t get any but you might want to give them a try.

  9. drfaulken says:

    Thanks for thinking about the gag-a-min problem. I think I’ve become accustomed to the cough syrup taste at this point. Besides, I’m not about to toss a big ass jar of vitamins out if I can help it. 🙂

    Bump again for Ninja Mary about the amount and variance necessary to get the equivalent amount of vitamins from going “old school.”