By September 15, 2006

Swipes glasses cleaner Tall, short, male, female, techworkers, salespeople, gamers, gunslingers. Gibberish readers are pretty different, except for one thing: most of you, myself included, are blind as bats. I normally wear glasses — even when I have my contacts in, I tend have sunglasses/eye protection on. Eye wear gets dusty. Eye wear gets dirty. Eye wear that normally get cleaned off on my tshirt. Apparently that’s not a good idea for keeping my lenses scratch free, but I’m not about to pack a little pouch with a cleaning cloth in it. Stilts, I’m looking at you, buddy ;).

I was at Target recently, and found the Swipes glasses cleaner on an impulse buy end cap. By the looks of it, the impulse struck other shoppers: over three quarters of the Swipes had already been sold. For $4, it was worth a shot. Fuck it, I thought, it’s at least worth $4 for a Gibberish review. I picked up a blue one.

The Swipes cleaner is easy to use. You jam your glasses in between the two micro-fiber-clad pads. Clean both sides of the lens at once with a “swiping” motion. As in all methods/contraptions used to clean your eye wear, never go in a circle. Spiral-pattern scratches are more supposedly noticeable to the eye than horizontal ones. The Swipes make it easy to use the proper side-to-side motion.

There’s a keychain on the Swipes — however, if I ever see someone fronting a Swipes with their Porche keys I’m going to have to bash them in the face. Seriously, who would put a glasses cleaner on their keys? I might use the ring to hang the Swipes near my monitor, so it’s more easily found amongst the other garbage on my desk.

Aside from that, there’s not much to the Swipes. They do a pretty good job of cleaning dust and smudges off of my lenses. I can’t see carrying this thing with me. Unlike the cleaning cloth Stilts carries around, the Swipes don’t fold up into an easy to carry package. I’m a little concerned about how I’m supposed to clean the cleaning surfaces, too. What happens when they get a bunch of lint and crap on them over time? As far as I know, there is no way to remove or replace the pads. I guess you could rinse them under water and then let them air dry. Hrm, perhaps it’s time for my Swipes to go swimming.

Swipes, I doubt your longevity, and bemoan your lack of portability. However, you do your job well without any hype. I’m going to swish out:

Three and a half out of five STFU mugs
full STFU mug full STFU mug full STFU mug half-full STFU mug empty STFU mug

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