By October 10, 2007

Vaseline Intensive Care Total Moisture Lotion review

So, I ran out of hand lotion last week. This may not seem like a big deal to you. However, when you have poor circulation to the extremities like I do, work on computers all day with your hands outstretched and elbows bent, and putz around behind the counter of a coffee shop in your spare time, your hands can get jacked in a hurry. The webbing between my fingers can get particularly dry, as well as my fingertips. It’s always disconcerting to look down and see a crevasse opened up on my index finger … and then type on it for about fourteen hours a day.

I wrote about Badger Balm before, and while it’s an awesome product, it’s just too damn oily sometimes. Especially when I’m on-key, and the balm gets all over the home row. Bleh. I found that if I kept on top of things, and it wasn’t a super dry winter, Jergen’s heavy duty hand lotion would do just fine. The problem was, I couldn’t find it at Target. I figured they stopped carrying Jergen’s, and I picked up the Vaseline Intensive Care Total Moisture lotion instead. It smelled nice, and said it “hydrates & replenishes.” I looked down at my alligator skin and figured I could use some hydrating and replenishing.

I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep lately, which means my coffee intake goes up. Which means I’m a little scatterbrained. I couldn’t remember the first few times I used the Vaseline lotion … I thought I had put it on, but as soon as I looked down my hands were dry again. It probably took me a week to figure out that the Total Moisture dry skin lotion didn’t do jack fucking shit for me. For example, I put the lotion on as soon as I started typing out this review, and I’ve already had to reapply it between my fingers and my fingertips.

I panicked a little and wondered what the hell I was going to do, until I realized that Jergen’s just changed their packaging. As soon as I get back to Target or Wal*Mart I’m going back to the old stuff, augmenting with Badger Balm to get me over the dry skin hump. In the meantime, if you have just slightly dry hands and want a free 24 ounces of hand lotion you know where to ask. 😉

Vaseline Intensive Care Total Moisture Lotion, I pump out
One out of five STFU mugs!

full STFU mug empty STFU mug empty STFU mug empty STFU mug empty STFU mug

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6 Comments on "Vaseline Intensive Care Total Moisture Lotion review"

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  1. Ed says:

    Vaseline Intensive Care Total Moisture Lotion review – Ah with a title like that this review could have gone so many horrible ways…

  2. rawcode says:

    For lack of grease, most people recommend Neutrogena Norwegian Formula Hand Cream. (Full name) I hate most lotions out there due to the greasy feeling when I am typing.

  3. Fathir says:

    I’m going to enjoy when I google “dry hump hand lotion jack” and this page comes up as the first result.

  4. drfaulken says:

    It already is, HAHAHAH — EVERYONE GOOGLE “dry hump hand lotion jack” AND CLICK THE LINK!!!

  5. Starbuck says:


  6. I have to admit that the Vaseline Intensive Care Total Moisture Lotion isn’t the greatest from this perspective as well. The problem with it I believe is that it’s good for mild chapping, but unless you get the Vaseline Intensive Rescue Moisture Locking Lotion, you’re not going to get the desired effect you’re looking for. I suffer from chapped skin during the colder months, so my lotion intake goes beyond just after a shower. The price difference between the regular intensive care and the medicated rescue moisture (by about 2-3USD at most), but it works better and quicker than the Jergens does. I’m not a big fan of the Jergens only because it affects my skin (mild irritations) that can get annoying.